Silence.

Yeah, it's been a hard trail, I have to admit that much. There's still something inside me through all this that i honestly just can't cope with.

i just want to be friends. we don't even have to get back together, but i need to know you're ok. i know you're angry at me in everyway, i wouldn't see why not. i really messed up. I wish I would have been more stable and neutral. Things would have been ok. I'm sorry I wasn't stable enough. I've never taken heartbreak this badly before. I wish I could turn back time and just, when it first happened, I still should have been hopeful. I don't care how much you hurt me. Honestly, I don't. You seem to forget I did it to you too. But I was willing to make everything up.

When I'm angry, I say things I don't mean. You know I didn't mean what I said. We get at each others throat sometimes. It's life. Doesn't mean I didn't love you.
Remember what I wrote in your postsecret book? It was the truth to the fullest, because no one has ever done that for me.

I'm sorry I cracked when I talked about my sister and everything went downhill from there. Honestly, I'm very sorry. It's just I felt really comfortable around you, so I could tell you anything possible.

Yeah, you know, even being honest, I somehow overreacted. I should have been more neutral about everything.

And you know, I remember how much I wanted to be like you, and it made me sad that I feel like I couldn't, and you always told me not to worry about it and it's good for who I am. And you know what? I realized, you're right. It's good to be with someone who has differences because it makes them that much more interesting and cool to be around. I was just too naive to see that because I was so sucked into other factors.


It's like everyday, there's a thought of you in my head, and I'm trying to let go, but I can't. I'm just trying to cope with everything possible. I want to text or call just to know you're ok.
I know you're angry at me. I would be too after all what happened. It's just, I tried so hard, and everything I was doing wasn't working at all.
I feel like I failed, but I really don't know.


I hope you forgive me. And I hope we can talk soon. I would love to leave a text or call, but I'm afraid you'd never get back to me. I know you said we need space and maybe we do. I don't know if it's killing you but it sure is killing me in everyway. But maybe it's for the best? I honestly do not have a clue.

This has honestly been one of the hardest weeks of my life. It's like right below my sister passing away, so everyone knows how hard that is. In fact, my biggest fear happened. I lost you. I hate losing those I love, and I always fear it. I lost my little sister, I lost some of my friends, and now I've lost you, and now I'm trying to deal with that fear. It something I can't get over. It's just something I have to deal with.

I know this isn't all my fault, so everything can be worked out somehow. We don't have to get back together. Honestly, I don't even want that at the moment. I just want us to be at least friends and be good friends again, because it's driving me nuts that it's just silence between us.